Evolution of the 'loser' cough.
I have this thing where when I meet new people, usually people of the "cool" calliber, well, they're labeled that but I don't really think so, but they're still the "cool" kids....aaanyway, when I meet these people and usually throughout my knowing them, I try my darndest to impress them. Shut up, because I know you do it too.
The problem with me is, my entirely pathetic tryhard attitude leads me to act like a complete fool. I come off as a complete bitch-on-wheels who apparently makes snide comments about people's grammar. Yeah.
And so went today. My Gym class is full of cool kids. In some of my units I get to know some people and I decide that really they're pretty awesome, nice etc. BUT, that's only the girls. I can't relate to boys. I can't talk to them, through no fault of theirs, for some reason I feign some mental illness when I do try. Mind you, this goes back to my being a
tryhard. See how it all comes together.
What actually happened today doesn't really matter. It was basically along the lines of some gambling, someone saying "dealed", me snickering, me getting called a dyke. Oh, and me apologizing later.
First of all, DEALED?? I guess I'm just used to being around people who payed attention in grade 2 english...
Second, why would I snicker? It was none of my damn business! Is it possible that the only way I can get someone's attention is by being ridiculously mean? Bah!
Third, I'm not a dyke. That's a dumb insult, and obviously the only way you can explain my not making slutty advances on you. Dumbass. Despite what I might thing of said dumbass though, it doesn't really give me any right to be a smartass about something that I was not a part of. So (fourth) I said I was sorry, and let me tell you it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to make myself do. I could barely look him in the eye, but I did it, and he sort of, well, walked away. Whatever, I felt better. And when it comes right down to it maybe it's not the end of the world if the boys don't like me.
There was something wrong in the first place if I simply categorized them as 'boys', rather than 'people' first. That's when you know it's not worth it.
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