heajhilahaoi

for the purpose of whatever the fuck

And so it has caught up to me. My demon. My lazy ass. Somehow, it's always right behind me.

If I was watching from the outside I'd scoff too, but I'm me, so I'm just stuck here making excuses.

I'm crapping out. I'm falling behind. I'm failing as a decent human being. It always happens.

I know I can't give up. I know I can't just let go. I mean I can, I just can't. I'm just so tired, all I did was stop to take a breath, and it all caught up with me. To hell with all the good work I've been doing, to hell with the perfect attitude I had going into this opening act. I can't change, fuck me, I just can't. Inactivity becomes me? No, but it devours me.

I am always waiting for things to settle, for there to be less than a million things to do, and it never comes. It seems to always be the last minute. I just need someone to take my hand, guide me through it. Because maybe I'm just that pathetic -- nothing else works.

P.S. I need help finding a song. It's called "feel it" i think, a girl singing, off of an album that trent reznor collaborated on (on some other song though), new album i think, and the song's possibly the first track. I heard it on 94.9 and it has been haaauuunting me, HAUNTING!

<< Home