This blog was open all day.
So much STUFF.
Thursday.
Italian bakery visit, plus the realization that just being called 'Italian' doesn't make it any good.
Friday.
Wonderland my love...I love you.
I don't know when i became so fearless. Yeah, I'm fearless, shut up. When I was little I was a really messed up kid; I was scared of water, dogs, the dark, thunder, Zellers, you name it. Now, I LAUGH in the face of danger. I guess bigger things have happened in my life since i was eight, and I just have new (emotional) demons to fear. everything else is just a rush.
Psyclone comes absolutely recommended, as well as the egg beater looking thing beside it. Also, right after I got off of Drop Zone, there was this searing pain from my foot up to my hip..:S
Saturday.
Went downtown again, hung out, ate some more pna colada ice cream -- which is absolutely orgasmic by the way.
Went to Kelsey's for my aunt's birthday, it was awesome. We made a reservation and the manager kept coming over asking how everyhting was going, I felt so...rich/important. Really though, it was late, we were on the patio, and it was sooo pretttyyyy. Who wants to go on a *real* date?
Sunday.
You seems so much happier to see Niagara Falls after a wrong turn. My dad decided to turn for the rainbow bridge way instead, meaning we spent an extra two hours in gridlock. People were getting out of their cars and everything. We had two cars, and at one point my dad came out of the first one and went over and kissed my mom. People started cheering, it was pretty awesome.
Side note: It was misting more than usual, it was more like a downpour really, and I was wearing a yellow shirt. I didn't exactly plan wearing that shirt, and I'm not one to complain about getting those 'looks', but the middle aged men were making me a little queasy.
We took my aunt to the Botanical Gardens too. She's a landscape architect, and proceeded to go crazy and take all 228 pictures on the camera. That's a lie, there was only like 120 left. My point actually was, the absolute most beautiful boys work at the Butterfly Conservatory. I wish I could convey that feeling of my knees melting....ahhhhhh
So, anyway, upon seeing these boys and the setup of the gardens, I have decided on what my dream life would be. It's simple really, I'd just marry one of the pretty boys, given he was rich, I'd get a non soul-sucking nine to five, and we'd live in the house that looked like it was out of The Secret Garden. Oh, and I'd ride my horse through the fields with the wind blowing in my hair. I'll keep you posted on how that goes.
Now, I bet you're thinking, whoa, that's enough fun for a weekend! Noooo, we didn't just drive over 300km JUST to see some water and some grass! So, we went cherry picking! It sounds corny, but seriously, if the above mentioned plan doesn't work out for me, I think I'd like to just live in a tree. It was some random Polish farm, complete with funny old Polish people. It just felt like home :)
TODAY.
My parents remembered my report card
goddamn bless them. Without getting into the utterly embarassing details of my failure as a person, it's enough to say I'm so many kinds of screwed at the moment.
It wasn't all bad though, I biked to school and back, so at least the pain in my legs reminds me of some miniscule accomplishment on my part.
In hindsight, the worst part about it was that as soon as my mom found out about The Bad Mark (among the many) I just...didnt' care. I've put myself through enough emtional crap, and the conclusion that I won't amount to much of anything -- been there, figured that out on my own.
Before you assume that I'm just trying to be some punkass kid, I just have to mention that I tried/am trying. There are steps, there are plans, there are reward systems that I've made up for myself. And the entire fucking time, all my mom can do is sneer. I've asked her for her insight, help even, and all she can do is point out inherent flaws in EVERYTHING. She's my mom, it's her job, I understand that, but I just need to figure this out, and making me feel like everything I'm trying to fix is just hopeless just..sucks.
I'll be back, sucks for you.
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