Oh my god, I can't do this.
I know it's all my fault. I know I have no work ethic. I know that all it would have taken was some fucking effort. Yet, somehow, that's all I can do, sit here knowing.
Through grade 9 I guess I stuck myself into this niche of mediocrity. While school was a neccesity, it wasn't really a priority. I didn't do *badly* per se, but it was just a fact that i could do better. The hilarious part is, when I got my report cards back, the first thought would be "wow! that's how high a mark i can get without doing any work?! why, let's continue down this path of almost certain future self destruction!"
Grade 10 has been amazing. On every level that is, except academic. Mind you, it started out fairly well, emphasis on "fairly". Then for some reason, I just stopped. I stopped doing math homework, I stopped handing in Careers work even if I had it at least half finished, Science I didn't even bother reading, I even flaked out on Gym projects (?!!). The damn list just goes on.
It was looking better for awhile; I did a display board, essay and health project all in the same weekend. I must have been on drugs that weekend, because I haven't done anything worthwhile since.
Now, I have too much shit looming ahead on the calendar, and a lot of junk going on in my head, and I have very suddenly come to the painful realization that I'm fucked.
That's it. *sigh*
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